Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
