My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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