There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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