It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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