I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
