He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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