3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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