He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
