Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
