Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
