Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
