What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
