I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
