We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
