so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
