im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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