You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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