Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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