the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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