I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
