Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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