Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
