I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
