how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
