we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
