you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
