Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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