maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
