i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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