Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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