can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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