I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
