i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
