you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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