South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
