We won't sleep together?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
