Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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