you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
God, I missed his penis.
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