I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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