They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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