sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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