I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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