We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
