Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
