Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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