there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
