I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
