Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
