One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
