absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
