At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
