It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
