So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
