she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
