I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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