What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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