Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
