Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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