My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she looked like the before picture.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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