We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
