I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
