Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
