I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
