so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
