I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just had sex on a roof
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
