U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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