Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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