I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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