I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog