Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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