I think I died a long time ago.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?