remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake