I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.