Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching