Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
