Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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